Employment and transgender disclosure
I find myself in a difficult situation regarding an employment opportunity, and I’m not certain how to proceed yet.
I’ve been offered a long term (3-5 years), lucrative position with a company. The job is perfect for me. The employer and I have a history of a couple of years, and he knows me as female. He’s a colleague of another existing client of mine who I have worked with for several years, who also knows me as female yet recently started using male pronouns with me (totally out of the blue.) I have not met any of these people in person and probably won’t for a couple of years, if at all. (I work virtually.) The employer is very Christian, but I don’t know if he’s of the “Jesus loves all” variety (which would be good) or the intolerant, hateful flavor (which would be bad.)
Do I disclose my trans status now, before any deal is struck?
I don’t feel I am required to disclose my trans status at all. At the same time, this means that the employer will continue to think I am female and will use female pronouns when talking to others about me. Does it matter what gender he thinks I am? Will it really start to bother me down the road? If he visits my online professional profiles and learns that I am male, will he think he’s just been wrong all this time, or will he figure out that I’m trans?
Do I strike a deal now, then disclose my trans status at some point in the future?
Would this be dishonest? Would it make me too uncomfortable to be seen as female for now? Would I have to come out as trans, or could I just say I’ve always been male but didn’t know how to correct his error without making him feel awkward? How would I explain that his colleague (who recommended me to him—using female pronouns) was also wrong about my gender?
Is zero disclosure an option?
Can I just take the job and not say a thing about any of this? Will that only hurt me in the end for not being able to stand up and be proud of who I am?
Will any of this affect the existing business relationship that I have with his colleague? Could I lose two deals in one stroke?
I suppose I’m lucky that this is only now coming up, 15 months into RLE. Employment issues are typically a great source of stress for trans people.
Comments and advice are welcome and encouraged.