Dealing with the self-absorption of transition

Two months on testosterone, one month after top surgery…

I spend a lot of time staring in the mirror these days. I look for any testosterone-induced changes that might have happened overnight. I feel overwhelmingly wrapped up in myself, but I’m consoled by the fact that this self-absorption won’t last. Eventually, the excitement of transition will fade and I’ll be able to give myself back to the world. That will be a fine day indeed. It’s rather exhausting being so intertwined with ME.

In the meantime… my GF told me today that she thinks my eyebrows have gotten thicker. Apparently, she looks at them more than I do—despite my mirror gazing—and I think she’s right.

I definitely have more acne, hoorah! In particular, my back and the area under my jaw bone (on each side) seem the worst. For several years now, I have been drinking 1-2 squeezed lemons a day, and that really helped keep my skin clear. I may have to up that to three lemons, perhaps applying some of that juice directly on my skin. I was also thinking of looking into witch hazel. However, witch hazel can really dry your skin out, and I’m somewhat susceptible to dry skin. I apply aloe vera gel every day, and also often use an olive oil based rose and elder flower salve to moisturize.

It’s neat to think that a month ago right now I was in my hotel room healing up from surgery earlier that day. My chest has come a long way in four weeks, but I still have another good month of healing to do. Case in point: my GF is outside right now mowing the lawn, a job that’s traditionally been mine, but I’m not quite ready to tackle it yet. The grass has gotten pretty long, so it’s a big job—it will take her at least three hours. She’s being a real trooper about it!

On the flipside, I DID get did back to doing sit-ups yesterday for the first time since surgery! It’s only been in the last week that I could comfortably put my hands behind my head. I’m doing two sets of 100 for now. Not bad for a month off. Only four more weeks ’til I can pump iron again!


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