New Year’s Day

New Year’s Day is here, and it means more to me this year than ever before.

2007 was kind of a relaxing year: my GF and I moved into our newly built house, worked hard to get used to the new responsibilities, and entertained a number of guests. All in all, it was a rather fun year. I don’t expect 2008 to be any less fun, but at the same time I’ll be going through some changes that will radically alter the life I have come to know.

The first item on the docket? Sobriety. I’ve been a regular pot smoker since I was 12. In the past few years, I’ve been smoking about 2-3 grams a day. I just love the stuff. In the fall, I cut back my drinking to weekends only so that I could lose some weight. Now, I’ll be abstaining 7 days a week.

Going off booze won’t be too hard (despite the fact that I’m a 4th generation beer brewer!) I’m perfectly happy with a soda and lime. Going without ganja will be a little tougher, but past experience with self-imposed dry times has shown me that I’ll get past the habit of smoking in just a few weeks. (Then, I’ll go through this period of being in total shock of just how much pot I was smoking!)

I’m not too much of a social person, but most of the people I know drink and/or smoke, so social gatherings will probably be a little awkward for me. I’m pretty certain though that any social awkwardness I have is actually rooted in my being trans, and that this is one of the reasons why I have been stoned for the past 20 years to begin with.

Why sobriety? 1) Drinking and smoking pot isn’t causing problems in my daily life, but they’re not exactly known as motivational substances either. My biggest goal these days is raising the $15,000 I need for the trip for my girl and me to go to San Francisco for chest surgery. Getting sober should help me realize that goal more easily. 2) In addition to peeling the potfuzz off my brain, I really want to be in excellent physical shape for surgery, to improve results and speed healing. 3) When I first started exploring the extent of my transgenderism, I was pretty convinced that chest surgery alone was going to do the trick for me. In the months since, my thinking has changed and I’m no longer certain that being genderqueer is going to bring me a life of happiness. In fact, it could very likely have the opposite effect: landing me between genders when I actually do want to be on the other side of that fence. I’m not 100% decided on testosterone, but every day brings me closer to deciding in favor of getting hormone therapy. I think it would be best to make this decision without my head in a cloud of smoke.

    I finished my last wine and soda last night at around 11pm. Then, I parked a chair by the sliding doors and had one last BIG bong toke. Oh yeah! When the clock struck 12, I shed a tear: part excitement, part fear over what the next year will bring. This morning, I cleaned out my bongs, bowls and bud buster and will be packing them away in the crawlspace.

    Once I’m healed up from surgery, I do see myself sitting out on the deck, turning on a baseball game, cracking a cold beer and pulling out the bong again. However, I suspect my attitude towards getting high will have shifted somewhat. And so be it. If you do anything for too long, it just gets boring!

    Bring on 2008! I’m ready for change.

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